I did a thing… and it wasn’t something I expected to do… ever again.
Nearly 15 years ago, I said goodbye to stage life. At the time, I was struggling with disordered eating and feeling stuck in my identity as a dancer. Dancing had always been a MAJOR part of my life, but a newfound interest in nutrition and *health* left me hungry (literally) to explore other paths.
As I navigated both my burnout from dance and my challenged relationship with food, I sought a shift that eventually led to my current career as a registered dietitian for dancers. Since then, I’ve had the honor and privilege to build a practice that encapsulates everything I once needed. The Healthy Dancer® embodies an approach that I’ve formulated from all of my years as both a dancer and dietitian.
But throughout this time, I never stopped dancing.
My focus shifted, yes, but this soon helped me to recognize the importance of my time spent in the studio. As I pursued my clinical path, I became a regular in open classes throughout the city. In other words, simultaneously building my life outside of the studio allowed me to gain more appreciation for my time spent inside the studio. My identity as a dancer continued to grow and solidify the more I was able to find balance in other areas of my life.
Then came motherhood.
Career transitions as a dancer
Time in the studio quickly grew limited. In the years that followed, struggles with secondary infertility, the pandemic, and several moves made it harder and harder for me to even consider the potential to get back to performing. Was that even something I wanted? I honestly had no clue, but I did know this: ballet was now a constant. No matter where I am or how I feel, taking class offers me a sense of satisfaction and relief— an exit from stress and a window for inspiration and creativity (both helping with my work and content creation for To The Pointe Nutrition). I’ve never been “ready” to give it up and for more than a decade, I grew comfortable with this role of dance in my life. There was no pressure to perform other than for myself— a liberating feeling!
But as I, and my kids, get older, I realize how important it is to continue to show up for myself— proactively making time to nourish my needs whether that’s napping when they nap, prioritizing balanced meals, carving time for a class, anything! The bottom line: an offer to perform came up, and I said why not?! Fact: I told NOBODY about this until it happened. I needed to give myself the chance to digest the experience. The question remained: would I be able to perform without falling victim to the same struggles—perfectionism— that I experienced years ago?
What I’ve learned since performing again in motherhood
Aside from squeezing in rehearsals between carpools, the ability to perform at this time in my life is a testament to The Healthy Dancer®— YEARS of healing my relationship with both food and dance meant finding a place where I could get back to an aspect of dance that once left me super burnt out. No longer do I feel a pressure to be “perfect.” Finally, I can dance just because it’s what I love and I’m incredibly thankful for the tools that led me here.
#1: I am thankful for having built a supportive relationship with food
Knowing the headspace that led me to burnout years ago, I would never have been able to take on this commitment had I still been obsessing over my diet. This means letting go of the dieting mentality, continuously dismantling dancer diet culture, and knowing how to proactively nourish my body to support its physical, mental, and emotional needs. Read more about this here.
#2: I am thankful for having built balance into my life
I owe this to my work here, at To The Pointe Nutrition. With a tendency towards perfectionism, I’ve learned that wearing multiple hats is a must. Motherhood, dietitian, dancer… these are just three of the many identities that prevent me from fixating too heavily on one area (a common reason for burnout).
#3: I am thankful for the confidence that has come with age
There’s no doubt that an accumulation of life experiences provides us with a better understanding of ourselves, our abilities, and how to navigate challenges. We develop a stronger sense of self-assurance and resilience, along with the ability to set and honor boundaries (like saying “no” to the extra rehearsal in recognizing the need to take days off for rest and recovery!)
I recognize the privileges that lie beneath this: I’ve found an environment that offers practical rehearsal schedules and is convenient to home, and I’ve built a support system should schedules shift with the kids. Aside from all of this, I’ve pleasantly surprised myself: performance can have a place in our lives even after 30 and after many life shifts. Don’t hesitate to go for it! 🙌
